During my early teenage years when most girls my age were into make-up and boys, I was into paranormal phenomenon (that statement actually says a hell of a lot about me). I read every book I could get my hands on covering ghosts, psychics, ESP, alien abductions etc. One topic none of those books ever covered were anal and womb ghosts – that’s right, ghosts that haunt your butt or uterus. In fact, I didn’t even know that there were people out there who believed this until I read the hysterically funny posts Ghost Hunting Can Be A Real Pain In The Ass and No Sex Please, We’re Ghost Hunters! on Karen Stollznow’s blog The Skepbitch (just love the name!). This girl is not only a linguist, but a skeptic paranormal investigator. Now that is a job I would love to have.
If you want a good laugh, go ahead and read the posts, I’ll wait here until you get back.
Now that you have read them, did you laugh so hard your stomach started to hurt whilst at the same time thinking, who are these insane people who honestly think that a bout of gas means that their butt is haunted?
Still wouldn’t it be nice that if you were at a real fancy dinner with people you wanted to impress and you accidentally let one rip, you could say, “I’m terribly sorry, but my butt is possessed by an anal ghost” and the people wouldn’t think any less of you. Or if you didn’t want to have sex with your significant other you could say, “I’m sorry hon, but my womb is haunted by a dead baby” and your partner wouldn’t feel rejected or disappointed.
Now I understand believing in ghosts, I used to for a very long time and have had some experiences that I don’t have a rational explanation for, but when you start believing that your butt is being haunted then you have, in my opinion, crossed a line from remotely normal to completely fucking insane. When you then take that belief that your butt is haunted and combine it with squirting a “magical enema” up your butt, then all that really means is that you want to spice up your sex life, but can’t admit it.
The one part of the article about anal ghosts I truly loved was the guy whose farts would form words. Now wouldn’t that be an awesome party trick? It would totally upstage the guy who can burp the national anthem. Apparently New York is a hot spot for anal ghosts so I am waiting patiently for the day that my anal ghost makes itself known so that I can form words with my farts and totally scare the hell out of my dogs.
I am curious to know what other completely out-there beliefs have you guys come across? Is there anything out there even weirder than anal ghosts?